


Amnesia (vel peius?)

by BlaugranaCielo



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, M/M, Memory Loss, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Slight Bruna/Neymar in the beginning, Smoking, Teenage AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-12 03:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5651386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlaugranaCielo/pseuds/BlaugranaCielo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Neymar gazes off into the distance. "It's like there are holes in my mind..." He says dreamily.</p>
<p>They stare at each other.</p>
<p><i>Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.</i>"'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one predicted that a simple match at the local park was going to end up in something like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, I know I already have two other works that need to be written and finished off, but I'm on holidays right now (for 2 months), I was bored, and I really just wanted to write this.  
> Anyway, this will probably have quite a few chapters, I don't know the exact number.
> 
> Also, the title is in Latin, if anyone was wondering, and it translates to 'Amnesia (or worse?)'

Neymar taps his pencil on the small desk relentlessly. He finishes off the imaginary song with a final crash on his Chemistry textbook.

Chemistry.

Textbook.

Studying. What he was supposed to be doing- what he was supposed to have been doing 4 weeks ago in preparation for the exams, according to his teachers.

As usual, he had left it until a few days before. Three days before, to be precise.

Three days to learn content from two year’s worth of four subjects.

To be honest, it was a completely futile attempt to try and revise now. He might as well just abandon the puzzling equations in favour of TV-  
But he had to at least be able to say that he’d tried when his parents ask him why he had failed- and surely they would.

He groans out loud. At this rate, he’d probably be up until tomorrow, getting up close and intimate with the Periodic Table.

Wait. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow was the day he was meant to meet up with his girlfriend, Bruna, for their ‘Two month anniversary’. (Who even had a fucking two month anniversary, anyway? Why was she so excited about it?)

It wasn’t like they were getting married or anything. Or perhaps that was what she has in mind. He almost gags at the thought of spending his life with Bruna.

It’s not that he hates her or anything like that, its just that she’s been progressively getting clingier and more annoying as time goes by- and also the fact that he may or may not have fooled her into thinking he was well off.

He allows his head to rest on the table as he sighs heavily.

He really had been almost obsessed with her in the beginning. So charmed (by her or her status?), that when she’d approached him and hinted to him heavily that she was interested, he’d done everything he could to make himself more appealing to an upper class being like her.

And now he’s in deep shit, because he’s supposed to meet her family tomorrow evening, and then they’re going to go back to his ‘3 story townhouse’ to have dinner.

He’s still lamenting his life choices, when a relatively short, squirelly looking guy bursts into the room.

He glances up. “Yeah, Jordi?”

Jordi grins. “We’re gonna go out, you coming?”

Neymar exhales heavily. “No, you fucking idiot, how many times do I have to tell you that we have exams coming up and I don't know nothing?”

“Nah, come on man, you’ve been sitting here all day, its not like its gonna make much difference anyway what you do now.”

“Wow, thanks for the support, dude.”

Jordi rolls his eyes. “It’s just for a bit, come on, loosen up. You can come back and stare at the desk later, yeah?”

Neymar makes a small whinge of annoyance, then slumps back against the chair.

“Yeah, all right, then.”

Jordi whoops and Neymar makes his way out of the dank old room, grumbling about how they never let him get anything done.

  


  


  


  


They walk for a while along the cracked road until they catch sight of the faded blue walls of the run down looking Café (more of a shed, really), where they usually rendezvous.

A cheer goes up as the two near the small group.

“Ayy, you managed to finally get him out!” comments a tall guy with twinkling blue eyes.

“Ah, shut up Geri, I wasn’t in there for that long.” Neymar says, good-naturedly.

Masche shakes his head disapprovingly. “You should’ve left him to study, our exams are in three days.”

Geri dismisses the comment with a wave of his hand. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, old man.”

Marc pipes up, his eyes widening innocently.

“Oh- Ney- don’t you have that date with Bruna tomorrow?”

Neymar makes a face. “Don’t remind me, Bartra. I already have enough fucking things to think about.”

Masche stares at him pointedly. “Yes, including your family coming back next week, huh?”

Neymar blanches. “Oh, shit. Man, I completely forgot about that.”

Inwardly, he groans. His parents and Rafaella had left town to go to one of their distant cousins wedding in their hometown and had decided to let him stay to ‘further prepare for the exams.’ Meanwhile, Neymar was staying with Jordi and his grandpa in their ratty apartment.

Jordi snickers and Neymar punches him in the arm.

“Seriously, hanging out with you morons is why I always land myself in this shit. I mean, you and Bruna combined give me migraines.”

With that, he begins to rummage in the pocket of his overly baggy jeans for the cigarette pack. Once successful, he lights up and places the stick in his mouth.

Leo stares at Neymar. “When are you going to tell her that you lied to her about the rich stuff?”

Neymar shrugs. “She’s probably gonna find out tomorrow, anyway.”

Geri snickers lightly. “Man, your girlfriend, though. I can’t believe she wants to have a fucking two month anniversary where you meet her parents, dude.”

Neymar rolls the stick lightly between his tanned fingers. “Oh man, I don’t even wanna know what her parents are like. I don’t think they’re gonna like me.”

Marc frowns, drawing his eyebrows together confusedly.

“But if she's so annoying, then why don’t you just tell her and break up?”

Neymar rolls his eyes. “’Cause she’s hot, man. And popular. It’s all about the reputation, dude. You gotta sacrifice some of your sanity if you wanna be up there, you know?"

Geri sighs and places a mock-condescending hand on Marc’s head. “That, Marc, my dear friend, is not something you would understand.”

Marc nods knowingly. “Ah. I see.”

At this, Geri laughs and ruffles Marc’s hair fondly.

Leo, who’s looked pensive for the whole exchange, promptly leaps up from the bench he’s sitting on, glancing at his watch.

“We've got to go now if we wanna play a match before it gets dark, come on.”

They rise and make to walk towards the direction of the small local park.

Neymar is the last one to get up, lost in thought. He starts when he hears Masche’s voice calling him.

“Wait!” he yelps, flicking the cigarette on the floor and stubbing it out with his heel before jogging to catch up with the other five.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


When they arrive at the park, the sky is violet and inky mixed with pink fairy floss strands of clouds.

Leo sets his backpack down and collects a battered looking Calle football from within the depths of it.

Neymar smiles slightly. Of course. Leo is always the one who carries around the football to have it ready to play.

They divide into teams of three. As usual, Neymar and Leo are on opposite teams- _("It's so unfair if you two are on the same side!"_ Is the usual cry of outrage.)

As Neymar jogs past Leo on the way to his side, he bumps his shoulder with a grin on his face.

"Today's the day I finally nutmeg you, Messi."

Leo looks over his shoulder with a smirk. "Yeah, we'll see about that."

  


  


A few seconds later, the game is in full swing. The park is filled with shouts of "here!" and "shoot!"

Neymar laughs like a madman as he feints his way past Jordi and Geri, both of whom are much too far forward for defenders (as usual).

In front of Neymar, Leo's dark eyes widen as he realises he's now the last 'defender'.

It happens in what seems like a second.

Neymar plants a foot to his left, hoping that Leo will think he's going that way.

Leo does. He leans to the left and plants one foot there as well, and Neymar sees the opening immediately. He changes his weight to his right side, aiming to touch the ball through Leo's legs.

Of course he doesn't predict that Leo will move his foot at the last second.

The ball goes through Leo's legs and the last thing Neymar glimpses is Leo's mortified face.

A millisecond later, Neymar stumbles over Leo's foot and flies headfirst into the goalpost.

Then, the world goes black from the corners.

  


  


  


~

  


  


  


  


  


Leo kneels next to Neymar.

A litany of _shit shit shit shit shit_ echoes through his head.

"Guys, come quick!"

The laughter from the others fades out one by one. For a moment, everyone is paralysed.

Geri's voice interrupts the silence. He sounds as nervous as Leo feels. "Uh- he's- he's pretending- I'm pretty sure- he did that before-"

"Shut up Geri, did you see how hard he slammed into that thing?"

They scramble over to Neymar and Leo.

Jordi shakes Neymar gently.

"Bruh... Get up." He half whispers.

Masche tries to check his head. His first attempts to part Neymar's mohawk are futile. 

"God- how much hair gel- Ah, there we go."

He squints. "No, there's no bleeding or anything."

Leo realises that he's been biting down on his fingers and releases them, shaking them out.

If something's happened to Ney- it would be his fault- he's the one who tripped Neymar. He bites his nails anxiously.

Next to him, Marc looks close to tears. He leans forward.

"Is- is he dead?"

Masche snorts and rolls his eyes. "Jesus, Marc, he's not going to die from something like that- he's just unconscious. He'll probably be fine- I think."

Leo's heart is still pounding and his mouth feels dry and sticky like one of his sister's baking "creations". He knows he's being unnecessarily dramatic, but-

Jordi's voice intrudes his thoughts.

"So, what now?"

Everyone turns to look expectantly at Masche.

He glances up and sees the stares. "What? Am I your friend or babysitter, honestly?"

He sighs and scratches his head. 

"Um- it's gotten dark now- if he doesn't wake up soon, I think we'll have to take him back to Jordi's."

"Take him back?" Geri asks.

"Carry him back."

  


  


For 10 minutes they sit on the damp grass, alternating positions between leaning against the rusty metal goalposts or lying facing the blue sky. They don't speak, which allows Leo plenty of time to think.

If Neymar doesn't wake up, if it's something serious, he doesn't know what he'll do. He begins to feel light headed and nauseous thinking of all the possibilities, so he lies down, pressing the side of his face against the cool green.

And he'd been meaning to talk to Neymar today, about what had happened a few days ago, when-

"Oy! He's up!"

It takes him a moment to comprehend, and then he scrambles up from the grass immediately, the torrent of worry in his stomach disappearing.

They all surround Neymar, and although it's pretty dark out now, his eyes are still eerily visible when he opens them. Leo never thought he'd be so ecstatic to see that shade of greeny yellow.

Neymar blinks a couple of times, dark eyelashes brushing against his skin. He looks startled for a second, then he beams his usual blinding smile.

"Hey- what are you guys all doing?"

They all rush to explain what occurred, but then Neymar motions to silence them and sits up properly.

"What are we doing here?"

They exchange glances.

"We came here to play a quick match, remember Ney?" says Marc, smiling.

"Uh. No. It's too late for that, isn't it? I should be home."

"Oh- Ah- yes, we were just getting ready to head home now Neymar, my grandpa'll probably be looking for us." Adds in Jordi, hurriedly.

Neymar frowns. "Why would he be looking for me?"

"Neymar. Man. You're living at our apartment, of course he's fucking wondering where you've been."

Neymar laughs. "Why would I be living at your apartment?." He snorts.

Jordi visibly swallows and looks at the rest of them.

Leo speaks slowly. "Neymar, you've been living with Jordi and his grandpa for the past three weeks."

Neymar looks horrified at this. "I have?! Why wasn't I told?"

The torrent is back in Leo's stomach now.

"Don't you remember? Your family's gone away for a wedding- that's why?"

Neymar makes an irritated noise. "Come on man, stop playing stupid pranks. I mean, at least _try_ with your lame tricks."

Masche sits back, almost defeatedly. "He's lost his memory, hasn't he." He says grimly.

Leo is also aware there's the possibility that he's acting, but they all know that Neymar's a shit actor, always has been.

Marc's eyes widen at the remark.

"Neymar, recite the alphabet! Guys, I saw this on a show to see if they've lost their memories or not."

Neymar looks across at Marc incredulously. "Damn, you all are crazy, I'm going home."

Geri firmly holds his arm. "Do you remember who we are?"

"What the fuck man? Of course I do! Now let me go, dude, my mum'll kill me if I don't get home now."

Masche gives Geri a look, conveying some kind of message.

Geri nods, and promptly stands up, grabbing Neymar by the arms and pulling him up, too.

Leo places his head in his hands.

A few seconds later, Marc calls Leo, and that's when he realises that they've all relocated to the nearby street, which has a convenient streetlight.

When Leo gets to the path they're standing on, he sees Neymar protesting against Masche.

"Neymar- you've gotta listen to what we-"

"No! Come on, you've taken this dumb prank far enough."

Leo steps forward, gently pushing Masche to the side. He faces Neymar, angling his head up to look directly into his viridescent eyes.

"Neymar. We're not playing a prank on you."

Neymar still looks defensive, but quietens down when he says, "Yeah- well. What did happen then, if it's not a trick?" 

Leo explains the whole episode to Neymar, who seems disbelieving at first.

"No way." he almost whispers.

"Yes."

"But- but what now then?" He says, looking flustered and running a hand through his hair.

"Dude, I can't believe he trusts you and not us."

Leo tells Geri to shut up.

"Um. Neymar. Just stay there for a bit, okay? We're just going to- Uh- discuss."

They form a huddle under the street light.

Masche chimes in. "Look, it's not that bad. He seems to remember who we are and all that, he's just forgotten, like-"

"The last three fucking weeks?"

"Well- yes, I suppose, but we'll just tell him the important stuff, right? Just don't tell anyone else what happened. It'll be fine, come on, let's go."

  


  


  


  


They trek back to the old shed cafe, and sit out on one of the benches under the fluorescent street lights. As they've been walking, they've been recounting to Neymar, who's been looking so distant that Leo wonders if he's been listening at all.

"Okay, so, Ney, give us a rundown of what we just told you."

Leo holds his breath, but then exhales in relief when Neymar recounts the information perfectly.

Masche sits back in relief. "See? It's fine. Perfectly fine."

Geri stands up. "I don't know about you guys, but that shit just really tired me out, I'm gonna get a coke."

  


Neymar is oddly silent and still until Geri returns.

 

He perches himself on the rickety bench, popping open the lid and Neymar leans forward, looking contemplative.

"Can I ask you guys something?"

Leo smiles amiably. "Yeah?"

"What are we doing here?"

Leo's smile falters a bit. "We- we came here to stop for a bit before we all headed home, yeah?"

Neymar glances at Leo's watch and pales visibly.

"It's late. I should be home by now, man, seriously."

Geri nearly spits out his coke.

"Do- do you not remember everything that just happened?!"

Neymar scratches his head. "No- I-"

"Everything we just told you?"

"I- I don't know what you're talking about, man. All I know is that I should be home and that my mother's gonna kill me."

Jordi grabs Neymar's slim shoulders and shakes him.

"Try! Try to remember something that happened somewhat recently!"

Neymar frowns. 

"I- I can't. I can't remember- dude, what's happening?! No, wait! I remember- we played football!"

"Yes!"

"I was going to score a goal."

Leo nods eagerly. "Yes, and then?"

Neymar shakes his head. "That's it. If I try to remember anything else, I feel like I'm in a swamp."

Geri sets his coke down frustratedly. "I don't get it! How could he have forgotten what he told him five minutes ago, but remember who we are?"

Neymar gazes off into the distance. "It's like there are holes in my mind..." He says dreamily.

They stare at each other.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Leo is the cause of all this, he's the one that tripped Ney, and now something's happened and-

"Neymar? You _do_ remember the exams, right?"

Neymar blinks. "Eh? What?"

_Shit._

They rattle off all the various topics they've learnt in class, but to no avail- Neymar simply adopts a blank look no matter what they say.

"You remember your girlfriend?"

At that, Neymar beams. "Oh yeah!"

"Thank god." He hears Jordi say.

"How would I forget Carolina, man?"

Leo freezes. 

"Neymar- Carolina is your ex. You broke up with her more than a year ago."

"Fuck. Bruna's gonna kill us if she realises this." Geri mutters to himself.

Neymar looks horrified. "Shit! Why?"

Marc shrugs. "It's Bruna now."

Neymar furrows his brows. "Bruno? Who? I'm not gay."

Masche interrupts the conversation. "Guys, we could sit here all day explaining to him."

Geri massages his head. "What the fuck are we gonna do? He's forgotten about tomorrow, the exams, his family being away- how are we gonna explain to his parents that their kid's got amnesia or some shit?"

"I don't think it's amnesia. 

Suddenly, Marc taps Leo's shoulder, looking almost terrified.

"He- he's lost it all again."

"What?!"

"I don't know, he's asking me where we are and all the stuff he said before!"

Leo groans. He feels about ready to cry. 

"Why is this happening today?" he hears Marc whine.

Masche inhales deeply. "I think- I don't know- we don't know what's wrong with him- I think we should take him back to Jordi's- we should probably stay over there for the night. I don't know, we can take him to the doctor's or something tomorrow morning. For now- lets go."

Jordi bangs his hand on the bench, turning his head away and shaking it. "I can't do this anymore." he states melodramatically.

Geri sputters. " _You_ can't do this anymore? Fuck- it's all _your_ fault, Jordi, you should've left him at home!"

"You're the one who told me to get him!" Jordi scoffs.

Masche slaps Geri's head. "Both of you, shut up and get up."

Eventually, they manage to make their way along the street, Jordi and Geri still arguing, while Marc trails behind with Neymar, asking him to recite the 12 times tables.

Leo shoves his hands deep in his pockets and gazes up at the night sky as he trudges. He notices the stars and (even though he's Catholic) sends up a silent prayer to the star gods or whatever, for everything to be okay.

He glances back at Neymar and his dazed green eyes, and he knows that this is not going to be resolved all that smoothly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

They quickly ascend the steps in the building to Jordi's floor and step out into the corridor, with Jordi leading the way to his apartment. 

Leo's walking next to Neymar, who seems surprised by the building and keeps trying to ask where they're going.

Jordi stands in front of the door of 214, rummaging in his pockets for the key, Leo supposes. Once he finds it, he turns back and motions for them all to be silent.

He gently pushes open the door, wincing as it creaks slightly. 

As they practically tiptoe in, the low murmur of the TV drifts to Leo's ears, and he notices that Jordi's grandpa is asleep on the old couch in front of the TV- which is currently displaying a golf tournament. He also notices that according to the clock, it's 10:35.

Jordi walks softly past, and gestures for them to follow. 

Leo seizes Neymar's (who's staring curiously at the old man) arm and makes to lead him past, only to realise that Marc, standing in front of him, is still avidly watching the TV.

As the guy on the TV knocks the ball perfectly into the hole (Leo isn't particularly articulate in golf terminology), Marc grins, letting out a 'yes!'.

Soon, Marc realises that everyone is staring at him and he hastily drags his eyes away, walking past.

As Leo and Neymar make their way to the other side of the room, there's a high pitched scream from behind them, and Leo whips his head around to see Geri hopping up and down on one foot, emitting a steady stream of swear words.

"What?! What is it, you moron?" Masche hisses between his teeth.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Shit! Ow, oh my god, who left a fucking Lego on the floor? What the fuck Jordi, you know my feet are sensitive!"

Jordi looks hurt. "Of course I know your feet are sensitive- I just accidentally left it there, man, it was for my physics project."

They suddenly become alert to a sniffing noise behind them.

Jordi's grandpa opens his eyes lazily, then sits up immediately when he notices the six of them crowded into the room.

"What- what is the meaning of this? This ruckus? Jordi, where have you and Neymar been?"

Jordi hesitates, glancing at the rest of them. 

"Uh- Ah, well- you see-"

"Why are you all here?!"

"Ah- we were at the library! Right?"

They nod vigorously.

He squints at them suspiciously. "Eh? The library? What for?"

"Um- studying- for the exams. Yeah, we were studying and got carried away- and um, we decided to have a study session here? To, uh, help each other?"

"Ah. Well, then. Don't stay up too late studying."

Jordi gulps and nods, smiling nervously.

They're about to go to Neymar's (temporary) room, when Leo hears Neymar's voice.

"Hey, this is a nice apartment! So this is where you live, Jordi?"

Jordi's grandpa looks at Neymar confusedly and Jordi widens his eyes and vigorously shakes his head at Neymar.

Neymar's smile falters. "So... This _isn't_ where you live?"

"No- Neymar, just-"

"Has the boy lost his mind?" Jordi's grandpa asks.

"No, just his memory." mutters Geri quietly, before Masche slaps his arm.

Neymar turns to face Jordi's grandpa, beaming at him.

"Nice to meet you sir, I'm Neymar, I'm Jordi's friend. May I have the pleasure of knowing your name?"

He looks at Neymar's outstretched arm suspiciously, then looks at the rest of them with narrowed eyes.

Leo interjects. "Oh, he's just trying to be funny- Uh, we'll take him away now."

Leo places his hands on Neymar's shoulders and steers him away, smiling politely back at the old man.

"Why, you'd think the boy'd hit his head and gone mad!" He starts laughing excessively at his own joke, eventually settling back against the couch between fits.

  


  


When they've finally made into the small room, Jordi shuts the door and leans against it, slumping.

"Fuck. That was a lot harder than it should've been." He glares at Geri.

Leo sits down, leaning against the cracked wall.

"What are we doing?" Neymar asks for the 20th time since they arrived in the building, scratching his head.

Geri groans. "Shut up Neymar! Jesus Christ."

Neymar widens his eyes. "Whoa. What's up with you, man?"

"What's up with _me_?!"

Leo can't help giggling slightly, because frustrated Geri is one of the best things.

"No, but, seriously, what's going on?"

"Alright, look-" Masche gets up. "Neymar, just go to sleep, ok? And-"

"But, why? I'm not-"

"Just go to sleep!"

Neymar immediately shuts his mouth and makes his way to the bed, lying down stiffly.

Leo eyes Masche, impressed.

Marc pipes up. "Should we- I don't know- look on WebMD?"

Jordi scoffs. "Don't be stupid. That's not reliable."

Masche looks up. "Actually, that's a pretty good idea- for now."

Marc glances pompously at Jordi.

Geri scans the room. "Dude, where are like, the computers in this house?"

A blush creeps up Jordi's face. "There's one in the corner there." he mumbles, looking down.

Geri bursts into laughter when he glimpses the ancient desktop perched on a rickety wooden table in the corner.

"Oh my God... Man, 2001 wants it's stuff back."

"Fuck off." Jordi shoots back.

Geri hunches over the desk to start up the computer.

"Alright... So, what are we looking up?"

"Look up memory loss or something." Leo offers.

Geri types it in the search bar, slowly pressing each letter key with one finger. The process is so prolonged, it almost pains Leo to watch him.

He heaves himself off the floor to go and stand beside Geri, and Masche does the same. Upon glancing back, he sees that Marc and Jordi are attempting to solve a Rubik's cube. He snorts, remembering the time Jordi tried to solve a Disney jigsaw and failed miserably. Leo shakes his head and turns back to the computer monitor.

They examine the search results, and Leo crosses off each condition mentally as Geri scrolls.

"Aha!"

"What?" Leo asks curiously, checking back to see if there's anything he missed.

Geri looks triumphantly at him and Masche.

"He's obviously got early dementia."

Leo sighs and Masche gently guides Geri to where Jordi and Marc are still solving the cube. 

"Why don't you just sit here for a while? Leo and I'll search a bit more, yeah?"

Geri opens his mouth to protest, then seems to think better of it and nods sedately.

Jordi promptly bounds up and heads to the computer.

Leo watches him curiously.

"What are you doing?"

"Man, forget WebMD, we'll look it up on Yahoo answers."

Leo interjects, "I don't think th-"

"Nah, trust me, it's what I always do for homework." He says, winking rather ridiculously.

"No wonder you never get anything right, then." Leo mutters, not loud enough for Jordi to hear.

"Ok. It's loading."

Nevertheless, Leo leans in. 

"Hey, see! Someone's typed practically the same thing. 'My brother hit his head and can't remember much- help?'"

"Alright, click on that one then."

Jordi reads out the answers. "The top one says to take him to the hospital. Nah. Next one... Says 'I don't care lol'. Okay... Maybe not. Jesus- this answer's really long- looks legit, though, anyone else wanna read it?"

Leo skims the content quickly.

"Huh. I don't know... Says it's probably amnesia, and that the memory will be regained within a week or so. Then again, the symptoms of this kid are different to Neymar's. I don't think it's the same."

"Well, fuck. Can't we just take him to the doctor?" Jordi whines.

Masche stares at him incredulously. "What, now? We can take him tomorrow, I guess."

Geri suddenly stiffens. "Shit, what are we gonna do for his date thing with Bruna tomorrow?"

Marc cringes. "Try to postpone it?"

Leo scoffs. "Have you met her? She'll never accept that."

Geri leans over and plucks Neymar's phone out of his pocket.

"Let me try and call her."

"She's probably asleep."

Geri grins at them. "Nah man, she's a hoe, she's probably up texting her other boyfriends."

Marc stifles a laugh.

"Don't say shit like that about his girlfriend, dude." Leo mumbles uneasily.

"It's not like he actually cares." Geri snorts.

He frowns after a second. "Seriously, my fingers aren't meant for typing on fucking Nokia brick phones. When is Ney gonna update?"

"Like you can talk. You won your phone at a carnival, it's not great either."

Geri selects Bruna's number and presses call. He turns up the volume high and motions for the rest of them to come closer.

They wait for a while, until they hear a girl's voice, electro pop music playing in the background mingled with the noise of many people.

"Hey, Ney." She says, dragging out Neymar's name sweetly.

"Um, sorry, it's not Neymar- it's Geri, his friend, if you remember..."

Her voice switches immediately to a considerably less saccharine tone.

"Oh. You again. Where is he?"

"Ah, yeah, see, the thing is..." 

Geri glances around at them for an excuse.

"Yeah, what? Hurry up, I'm at a club and my friends are calling me to do shots."

"Uh- he's really sick. He's just asleep right now. I don't think he can come tomorrow..."

There's silence from the other side, then

" _What?!!_ " 

Geri winces. "Uh, yeah. Is- is that OK?"

"No! Oh my God, I've been waiting _so_ long to have a candlelit dinner, and I bought a dress today, and my parents are coming to meet him and-- wake him up and give the phone to him right now!"

"Oh- sorry, he has a fever and-"

"I don't fucking care! He has to be there tomorrow, got it?"

Geri swallows. "Yes. Got it."

"Good."

With that, she hangs up.

Leo exhales slowly. "Jesus. I told you, didn't I?"

He'd never liked her much, not even at the start, and especially not when she'd began to take up more and more of Neymar's time. He fumed inwardly.

"Yeah, well, that's option one gone."

"We should probably take him to the clinic tomorrow."

Masche scratches the back of his neck. "You realise they're going to ask us about his history with alcohol and drugs and stuff, right?"

Leo tugs frustratedly at his dark hair. "Fuck, yeah, they will, won't they?"

Marc gasps, looking scandalised. "I didn't know Ney's an alcoholic."

"No, you fucking idiot, I meant his history with weed."

"Just say he doesn't have any, then." Geri offers.

"No, that'll give an incorrect diagnosis."

Leo sighs. Speaking of weed, he hasn't smoked for what, a month now? He's really fucking craving the stuff, but he hasn't had time. He remembers the time he and Neymar had lit up on the roof of his house and Neymar had nearly fallen off the edge trying to imitate Leo himself, and smiles. 

He stretches out on the cold floor. 

"Mmmm, does anyone have any weed?" He practically whines.

"Dude! His grandpa's in the next fucking room!"

"Man, this shit's got me really stressed."

"Neymar probably has a pack of cigarettes in his pockets, if that helps." Jordi suggests.

"Shit, yeah, he does." Leo scrambles up and rummages through the depths of the side pocket of Neymar's jeans.

His fingers somehow manage to get past the various other kinds of shit in there and close on the small pack, bringing them out.

He retrieves his lighter and lights up.

"Leo, at least open the window if you're going to do that." Masche instructs disapprovingly.

Leo drags himself to the window and struggles with it for a bit, finally managing to wrench it open. He leans against the ledge and sticks his head out, allowing the piercing night air to tousle his hair.

  


  


  


  


According to Leo's watch, it's now 12:00, and they still haven't discovered what Neymar's ailment is. His eyelids keep trying to close, only for him to jerk awake again.

Marc yawns loudly and shuts his eyes. Geri throws the Rubik's cube at him to keep him up.

Jordi leans back against the wall. "Can we like, I dunno, fucking discuss _tomorrow_?"

Masche makes a sound of annoyance. 

"Yeah... I guess we'll have to. We can wake up at 8 or something tomorrow and take him to the doctor. He'll probably be fine before his date with Bruna." 

Leo isn't particularly convinced, but he's dead tired, so he nods.

Geri glances around the room. "Uh- where are we all meant to sleep?"

Jordi pauses. "I guess someone can sleep on the sofa over there..."

They look at the tiny couch that both looks and smells like someone's piss.

Marc stands up and walks over to it, seeming to be almost in a trance as he lies down on it without a word.

"Uh, Marc, man, you don't have to sleep there-"

"Goodnight." Comes the reply.

Jordi stares for a second, then blinks.

"I'll get some spare sheets and stuff."

He leaves the room and swiftly returns with an armful of linen.

Leo lays out his sheet on the space on the floor beside the bed. He removes his jumper and folds it up to use as a pillow. He lies on his side, and he can see Masche and Jordi and Geri on their respective 'sheet beds'. 

After a while, he turns so he's lying on his front with his face pressed into his jacket.  
It's perfectly quiet, except for the tranquil sound of rain beginning to gently drum a rhythm on the rooftop.

He's drifting off when he suddenly senses light touches on his hair. He sits up immediately.

"Hey."

Leo nearly scrambles onto Geri in fright before realising it's Neymar. He blinks in the near dark. 

"Aren't you asleep?"

Neymar shakes his head, still lying down on the bed.

"Nah man. I woke up a few minutes ago."

Leo returns to his original position and Neymar's fingers once again softly glide through his floppy hair, tugging lightly once or twice. He lies still for a while, soaking in the sensation of Neymar's fingertips.

"You should go back to sleep." He says eventually.

Neymar places his hand back on top of the bed, and Leo can hear him shuffling.

"Yeah, alright, mother."

Leo smiles down into his jacket.

It's quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so hope you guys liked it!  
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, (they really do encourage me to write faster).  
> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)

Leo opens his eyes groggily, sleep still permeating his mind, only for bright sunlight to flash in his face. He groans and turns over, glancing at his watch. 11:30.

11:30! _Shit!_

He scrambles up, almost slipping on the sheets and shakes awake Geri, the closest person to him.

"Get up! It's fucking 11:30, get up, now!"

Geri sits up lazily, resting on one elbow. "What?"

"Dude! Neymar? Bruna? Date?"

Geri looks confused for a second, then he bounds up.

"Shit! How the fuck did we sleep in that much? Wake up Neymar!"  
He goes around the room, waking up everyone unnecessarily loudly.

Leo turns to Neymar, who's lying on the bed with his limbs sprawled out in every direction, a peaceful expression on his usually overly enthusiastic face. He thinks about awaking Neymar rudely, then feels guilty and leans down, gently shaking his shoulder.

"Ney. Ney, get up."

Neymar shifts slightly, shrugging Leo's hand off and turning the other way. Leo increases his volume slightly, to no avail.

Leo considers Neymar's sleeping form, then, in a sudden brainwave, pinches a handful of Neymar's hair and pulls softly. Neymar immediately sits up, seizing Leo's arm and shrieking.

"Don't touch my Mohawk! Do you know how fucking long it takes to style it, man? And then you go and just fucking mess it up?"

Leo snorts. "Really? Looks like you've been sleeping in a garbage can all day, to be honest, but yeah, whatever man."

Neymar glares at Leo, then sniffs. "Why'd you even wake me up this early, anyway? Wait- why are you all here?"

Leo sees Marc yawn and fall off the couch ungracefully. He blinks a couple of times. "Aren't we going to the hospital now?"

Masche huffs. "Not now, we're not. Look at the time- you know how long it takes to get there- and you know that we need to get Neymar ready for the date, right?"

"Wait- what? What the fuck's going on, man, was this meant to be like, a fucking sleepover or something?" Neymar intervenes indignantly.

Masche ignores Neymar, kicking Jordi to get him to sit up. "First off- we've got to like, get him some decent clothes- I mean, she's expecting him to turn up in a tux or something."

Leo furrows his brows. "What about the dinner?"

Masche runs a hand over his face. "Shit. Yeah. He told her that he lived in like, a mansion, right? Fucking idiot."

"I guess he could have it at one of our houses?" Marc suggests timidly.

Leo scoffs. "Yeah, like who? Jordi's house is shit. Your house is shit. My house is shit. Geri's house- I've never even been there, not even sure if he has-"

Geri's eyes suddenly brighten, like they usually do when he gets a 'great' idea. Leo sighs.

"No problem there. I know someone who'll help."

"What? How?"

Geri leans against the windowsill, looking pleased with himself.

"All we gotta do is ask this guy I know if we can like, borrow his house for a while, man, you see? And then we just make some fancy fucking dinner and pretend it's all Neymar's stuff."

Jordi smirks. " _Borrow_ his house? Who would agree to that? And since when do you know rich people anyway, man, you're a fucking hooligan."

Geri narrows his eyes in what Leo supposes is meant to be a mysterious look.

"I have my connections. Let me call him."

He rummages through his pockets, retrieving a battered looking phone and dialling a number.

"Hey Cesc? Yeah, nothing much, man, wanted to ask you-" he pulls the phone away from his ear.

"Fucking moron. Always hangs up after like, five words."

"So he's busy?" Leo asks.

Geri rolls his eyes. "Nah. Probably watching some shitty soap opera. We gotta go to his house to ask him, he never talks much when he's watching those weird things."

At this point, Neymar, who's been glancing back and forth between them, flummoxed, leaps up from the bed.

"Alright, come on, what is-"

Geri presses him back down, covering his mouth. "Shush. Marc?"

Marc looks up expectantly. "Yeah?"

"Explain to him."

Marc sags visibly. "Oh, come on. Again?" He groans, making his way over to Neymar.

 

 

 

 

A few minutes later, Neymar is fully knowledgable (or maybe not, because God knows what Marc told him) and the rest of them are caught up in a heated discussion about suits.  
They'd searched through Neymar's small heap of clothes and had deemed them all unsuitable, (mostly because they were all ripped baggy jeans and old t shirts with threatening looking skull designs.)

"Come on, none of us even have a fucking suit to lend him-"

Geri interrupts. "Yeah, I have one!"

Jordi looks shocked. "Really?"

"He does, I've seen it- but it's going to be way too big for Ney- plus, he fucking spilt pink lemonade or some shit down the shirt and it never came out." Leo inputs, dismissing the idea.

"Well, what then, you wanna _buy_ him something to wear?" Geri challenges.

Masche stands up abruptly. "Yeah, probably. It's not like we need to get something expensive- just like, I don't know, a shirt and pants and stuff."

Leo sighs. An expedition. Fucking yay. He loses himself in thought over all the other things he could be doing now instead of preparing amnesiac Neymar for some lame ass date with his fucking monster of a girlfriend. He ponders what sin he's committed recently to land him in the middle of this. Then he starts mulling over whether karma or whatever, is real, and if there is indeed a God(s) currently sitting high up in the clouds laughing at their idiocy. (He has a tendency to slip into rather deep, intrinsic thoughts quite quickly.)

A voice rudely interrupts his philosophical thoughts.

"Leeeoooo. Leo. Dude, you coming or what?"

He glances up to notice that the others have left the room, and that Neymar is calling him to come along.

"Ah- what? Oh, yeah."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While it had been perfectly clear and bright outside when they were inside, as they start walking to the bus stop, the temperamental weather seemed to have undergone a mood swing, swiftly changing to a dull grey, with the occasional biting gust of wind and piercing rain droplets beginning to fall.

Leo shoves his hands further in his pockets and regrets not bringing a jumper, envying Marc's ability to look right at home even in the worst weather.

"So, how is this even gonna work, anyway? Seems pretty hopeless." Jordi remarks offhandedly.

Geri titters disapprovingly. "You're always such a fucking pessimist, man. Just chill. All we gotta do is make sure we're there with Neymar in case he forgets in the middle of it or something."

Leo scoffs. "Yeah, and then what?"

Geri shrugs. "I don't know, just improvise and do some crazy situation saving shit to make sure she doesn't find out."

Neymar stops walking suddenly. Marc groans.

"Don't tell me he forgot again."

Neymar holds up a finger, looking thoughtful. "Wait a second. So you guys are gonna be tagging behind me on a date with my girlfriend that I don't even remember?"

Leo pauses. "Well, when you put it like that..."

"What's she like?"

Leo glances at the others, stifling a laugh. "Oh, she's great. You'll love her, don't worry."

Neymar looks at him suspiciously for a second, then grins.

"Is she hot?"

Leo sighs tiredly. "It doesn't even matter, you're going to forget all this in like, 15 minutes anyway, just shut up and go along with it."  
He shoves Neymar to the side, and Neymar pushes back, knocking him against an old woman, who squeals and promptly attempts to hurry away, glancing back at them, shocked.

 

 

 

 

 

About five minutes later, they're slumped on the bus seats. Neymar, for such a slim built person, takes up a shit load of room, sprawling his legs and arms everywhere on the seat and leaving Leo squished up against the side. He once again regrets taking the place next to Neymar and vehemently wishes he'd sat next to Marc instead, who never seemed to mind the amount of space you took up, even if he ended up half hanging off the edge.

Neymar now seems to have gotten bored of raindrop racing and starts flicking Leo's head.

Leo turns around. "Fucking what, man?"

Neymar grins, satisfied that he's made him annoyed. "You should really cut your hair."

_"No."_

Neymar picks up a strand of it. "Look dude. You look like a fucking caveman with this hairstyle. You need to update. Get like, I dunno, a mullet."

Leo moves his head away from Neymar, horrified, only for the bus to turn abruptly and Leo to be flung right back into Neymar. His face ends up smacking into Neymar's shoulder, and he instinctively grabs Neymar's knee as the closest thing. As if that wasn't bad enough, the bus then stops again immediately, causing his face to slip down into Neymar's lap. Leo immediately picks himself up, cheeks flushed red and praying that no one noticed.

A couple of people board the already crowded bus. One looks to be a business man and the other is a girl that looks to be about their age with long blonde curls and a tanned complexion.

Leo notices that as the girl walks through the aisle, Geri seems to have straightened up, eyes wide and interested. She takes a seat in the row behind Jordi and Geri. Geri looks awe struck.

Neymar leans close to him to whisper something, startling Leo. "What's up with him, man?"

Leo snickers, keeping his eyes on Geri.

Gerard twists around to face the girl.

"Oh- are you sure you want to sit there? I mean, my friend Jordi here can stand up, he doesn't really need a seat."

The girl glances up, looking puzzled and a bit amused. "What's wrong with this seat?"

"Well, ah, you see, the thing is-", he pauses and squints at the name tag on her shirt. "Shakira, sitting at the back is terribly bad for your, um, intestines."

She raises her eyebrows dubiously. "Uhh, I'm fine, thanks."

Geri looks dejected. "Oh- never mind, then."

He's silent for a while, looking contemplative.

"So, Shakira- that's a really nice name, by the way- where are you headed?"

She stares at him. "Um, to the city- like everyone else on this bus, I'm pretty sure."

Geri nods slowly. "I see." He keeps nodding awkwardly.

"So- any plans for the weeke-"

She places her earphones in, firmly gazing out the window and signalling the end of the conversation.

Jordi leans close to Geri. "Rejected." He says in a mock whisper.

 

 

 

 

They get off the bus about 30 minutes later, walking to the main City shopping centre.

Neymar stops by a pizza shop, staring yearningly inside. "Can we stop to eat, please?" He whines.

Geri scoffs. "That's like, the worst pizza shop in this country, man, I found a fucking cockroach thing in one of their pizzas once."

Neymar scowls. "Probably came from your fucking hair." He mutters, trudging onwards.

 

Once they're inside, they wander around aimlessly for five minutes, until Leo breaks the silence.

"So, like, what are we actually looking for?"

Masche glances around. "Look for like, a department store."

They nod.

 

 

Obviously, Neymar didn't understand, because Leo and him are now in a fancy looking store, and Leo has no fucking idea how they managed to wander off and lose the others.

Neymar's completely awed by the products and keeps spraying the sample perfumes in Leo's face.

"Dude- stop. Why the fuck are we even in the Ladies part of this shop?"

Neymar shrugs, picking up a violet bottle. "I don't know, man, but check this out, smells like my aunt- you know, the bat shit crazy one that smells like mothballs?"

Leo nods tiredly. He thinks he's inhaled too much Dior scents, it's making him feel high.

A shop assistant walks hastily towards them, appearing concerned.

"Hello sir. Is there anything you have in mind that you're looking for? A gift for your girlfriend?"

Neymar frowns. "A gift for my girlfriend... Leo, does my girlfriend like perfume? What's her name again?"

The shop assistant's polite smile is frozen on her face as she glances between the two of them.

Leo sighs. "Sorry. My friend is on medication that makes him slightly- ah- forgetful sometimes. I'll take him away now."

She nods, eyes still wide open and walks away.

Neymar starts to chatter on about the aunt who smells like mothballs and how she used to be married to a drug lord until he was shot by the police, leaving her a secret inheritance of a suitcase packed with cocaine and a couple of handguns.  
Leo tunes him out completely and wonders how they're going to find the others in this massive fucking shopping centre, when he catches sight of a tall figure standing in front of the mirror. As Leo and Neymar approach Geri, they notice that he's trying on various colourful patterned ties, adopting a fiercely serious look for each one.

He starts when he glimpses them in the reflection and hastily shoves the ties on top of a nearby clothes rack.

"Oh- there you guys are! We've been looking for you, man, for like, an hour."

Masche, Jordi and Marc appear as well, making their way towards Leo and Neymar.

"Where the fuck have you two been?!" Masche hisses.

Neymar holds his hands up defensively. "Whoa, chill. This is a pretty good store, no? Look, there's even those fancy fucking little bow tie things."

Masche stares at him incredulously, reaching out to grab one of the bow ties to show it to Neymar.

"Yeah, and those 'fancy fucking little bow tie things' are $150 each. You want to see how much actual clothes will cost, Neymar?"

Neymar shuts his mouth abruptly and shies away from the (rather frightening) price tag.

Masche smiles, satisfied. "Okay, now- stop fucking around. Come on."

 

 

 

 

They continue to search for a price suitable store, and Leo's long since lost hope, when Jordi stops suddenly.

"Hey, look there. Value suits."

Leo squints at the comic sans font of the name and garish orange paint job.

"I dunno, man. Looks pretty fucking dodgy to me."

"Come on, give it a chance."

 

 

And that's how they find themselves wandering the aisles of 'Value Suits', guided by a rather rotund man wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt and sweatpants.

The shop owner's discordant voice pierces Leo's ears and he winces.

"And here we have the Red Velvet Collection. Very new, very modern and- what is it you kids say these days? Sleek? No, on fleek. Yes, it is very on fleek."

Leo stops and nods approvingly at the red suit. It's actually pretty classy looking- like something he would choose to wear to an awards ceremony or something.

"Yes," Masche interrupts the store guy, "but do you have any just plain black and white suits? That would fit my friend here?"

The guy frowns. "Plain black and white? No, no, you are so old fashioned. I have polka dots in those colours?"

Masche shakes his head. The guy looks pensive for a moment, then sighs.

"I suppose- if you must have a boring one- come with me."

Neymar taps Leo's shoulder excitedly. "Hey look! This one has fucking marijuana leaves on it, man. Shit, can we get that one?"

Leo giggles slightly when he sees the suit Neymar's referring to.

"Yeah, totally, man. Wearing that when you meet her parents for the first time. It'll be great. They'll be so happy their kid's going out with such a great influence."

Neymar starts cracking up. "Influence?! Ha! Get it? 'Cause like-"

Leo leaves him behind.

 

 

A few minutes later they're at the counter, having decided on renting a _normal_ set of shirt, pants and a tie for $30.

"Okay, that'll be 30, thanks."

There's an awkward silence.

"So, like, who actually brought money...?" Leo asks slowly.

There's blank stares all around.

"Well. That's great."

Marc clears his throat. "Um. I have _two_ dollars, if that helps?"

The shop owner tsks. "You know what? Don't worry about it for now."

Geri opens his eyes wide, reminiscent of Leo's (dead) pet owl, Fleafeathers. "Really?"

"It's fine. Just pay me when you bring the suit back. You boys remind me of myself when I was young, you know? Exactly the same." He leans against the counter nostalgically.

Neymar looks horrified at this statement. "Does that mean we're gonna look like you when we're older?"

Leo elbows him in the ribs.

"Uh, thanks so much. We'll bring it back soon, don't worry. Thanks again!"

They fast track out of the small store and head outside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Half way through the bus ride back to their part of town, Neymar gets that dazed look in his eyes and Leo knows what he's going to say next.

"What are we doing here?"

They let out a collective sigh.

"Nothing."

"Huh?"

Leo tells Neymar to go to sleep and after a few minutes of arguing, Neymar swings his legs on top of Leo's lap so that he's leaning against side of the bus with his legs outstretched and his arms behind his head.

"I didn't mean use my fucking legs as a resting place." Leo grumbles, but relents anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leo gazes out Jordi's apartment window at the slight mist that's settled since they've arrived.  
He turns back to face the rest.

"When is the date thing again?"

"Oh, shit. He's supposed to meet her at 5:30, I think. We have like, one and a half hours to get stuff ready." Masche says anxiously.

"There's nothing to get ready except for Neymar, anyway. We should just relax now." Leo argues.

Masche raises his eyebrows. "Have you forgotten about making dinner for their date?- and Geri, has your friend called back yet or something- because otherwise..."

Geri glances up from where he's sprawled on the floor. "Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. Should I head to his house now? There's no point calling, seriously, it was a fucking miracle he actually picked up earlier today."

Masche snorts. "Yeah, like I'm going to let you go alone. You'll probably end up at fucking Value Suits again or something. Leo, go with him, make sure he doesn't get sidetracked."

Leo drags himself away from the window, joining Geri at the door.

"Wait- what are you guys gonna do?"

Masche jerks his head towards Marc and Jordi. "They're going to make sure Neymar's ready by the time I get back from the supermarket. Right guys?" He says menacingly to them.

As he and Geri leave the room, Leo hears Jordi grumbling about how Masche's more of a military leader than a friend to them and he grins. Then he thanks the stars that Masche's there to get their shit together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Geri is oddly silent and serious looking as they walk to 'Cesc's' house, and Leo is starting to feel uncomfortable. Like, isn't that the kind of behaviour people have when they're about to fucking murder you or something? He always thought Geri was emotionally and psychologically incapable of committing murder, but then again, people change- and Geri is big compared to Leo- wouldn't take much for him to-

"Hey, Leo?" Geri's unusually quiet voice interrupts his musings.

Leo nearly trips over his own feet, then recovers and tries to sound as casual as possible.

"Oh- yeah?"

Geri is quiet for a moment, and Leo wonders whether he's thinking of where to hide the body.

"Don't like, put it in a swamp or something like that, please. Just like, bury it under a tree."

Geri looks startled and turns to Leo with a bewildered expression on his face. "Swamp- what?"

Leo reprimands himself for saying his thoughts aloud and smiles casually at Geri.

"You know- like- in Shrek. If Shrek ever got too annoyed and killed Donkey- well, I was just giving him suggestions." He shrugs. "I'm a really big fan of Shrek. But I'm not a fan of his swamp being polluted with corpses."

 _What the actual fuck_ , his mind says to him, _you've been hanging out with Neymar way too much._

Geri stares at him. "Have you been smoking just weed, or is there other stuff mixed in as well?"

Leo just shrugs again, trying to look calm and collected.

Geri shakes his head.

"Anyway, what I was gonna ask you man- it's like- you know- you know that girl?" He spits out.

"Oh, you mean one of the girls that makes up half the population of the world? Yeah su-"

"Oh, shut up. Whenever I try to be serious, everyone just- argh. Never mind. I meant the girl on the bus. Shakira."

Leo snickers at the way Geri pronounces her name so dreamily. "Oh, you mean _Shakira_."

Geri runs a hand over his face, the way he always does when he's embarrassed. "Yeah, well- she's really hot, isn't she?"

Leo shrugs. "I guess. I didn't really pay much attention."

Geri looks outraged. "You guess? She's a fucking angel, man, did-"

"You don't even know her." Leo points out, putting up the hood of his jumper against the cold despite the fact that he's been told he looks like a drug dealer when he does so.

Geri smiles a stupid, soppy smile. "That's not the point, man. There's just something about her- you know, when she walked onto that bus-"

At this point, Leo can't help but let out the laughter he's been trying to hold in for this whole exchange.

He doubles over, trying to speak. "Oh- was it love at first sight- you looked into each other's eyes and you knew-"

Geri huffs, turning red and using his ridiculously long legs to walk ahead of Leo. "Yeah, yeah, shut up. whatever, fuck you, dude. I don't even know why I thought telling you would be a good idea. Should've talked to Neymar, he's-"

Leo nearly falls over. "Oh, is Ney like, the love doctor now? He's so wise and experienced, isn't he?"

"He has more experience than you!"

Leo stands upright at this, managing to stop laughing. "Fuck off, man, I have heaps of experience." He says, jogging to catch up with Geri.

"Right."

"I could get any girl."

"Uh huh. That's why you just kept following that Antonella girl around when we were in Year 10 until she told you to get lost."

Leo's smile melts off his face when he thinks about how awkward he was- and is- when it comes to relationships and things.

"Wait." Geri clutches Leo's arm. "We're here." He says, gesturing towards the house in front of them.

Leo gazes up at the bright yellow and purple three story house in front them.

"Whoa."

"I know, right?"

"It's very... Modern." Leo says hesitantly.

"Yeah. It's a fucking eyesore, isn't it?"

Leo nods, still awed at the size of it. "It'll do."

They make their way to the large iron gate, where a security guard is positioned.

Leo stops. "Um, do we have to have special permission or something?"

Geri waves cheerily at the guard, who nods firmly in return, opening the gate for them.

As Geri walks to the front door, Leo straggles behind, gaping at the large swimming pool (actually, it looked more like a water park), fit with multi coloured lighting and water jets.

"Leo! Get over here!" Geri hisses. Leo snaps out of his reverie and follows.

As they wait after ringing the doorbell, Leo realises how scruffy and out of place he looks, trying to fix up his hair.

The door opens and an elderly man in a suit stands in the doorway. Leo is confused. Was this Cesc?

The man smiles gently at them. "Mr. Francesc is in the theatre."

Geri nods, smiling back politely and walking into the house. As Geri leads the way, Leo takes in the sight of the neon green walls and the various large paintings hung up- most of which seemed to be of the same person in different poses.

As they approach the 'theatre', Leo hears sobbing noises coming from inside. He strains his ears to make out more noise.

"Oh, Sebastian! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"It's too late, Maribel. It's too late."

Leo stares at Geri, then at the doorway.

When they enter the room, the first thing Leo notices is the massive screen set up on the wall, playing what seems to be a drama of sorts. The second thing is the rows of red leather seats and the sole person sitting on one of them.

"Cesc! What's up, man?"

The guy sighs, pulling out a remote and pausing the show.

"Did you have to come just now? Maribel just confessed to cheating on Sebastian. This is kind of important."

As Geri flicks the lights on in the room, Leo sees that the guy- Cesc- is wearing a vibrant yellow blazer over a red singlet, along with cargo shorts embroidered with the Armani logo. He's also holding a glass of red wine in one hand.

Cesc sighs once more and stands up. "Come. Come to the living room."

As he walks past Leo, he stops and turns on one foot, staring at him curiously.

"And who's this, Geri? Don't tell me you brought some street urchin for me to take in. There's really not enough room in this house."

"What? No, this is my friend, Lionel. Leo, this is Francesc."

Leo smiles timidly and Cesc looks him up and down, shaking his head slightly.

"Anyway. Follow me."

They traipse through an endless maze of corridors until they reach a brightly lit, spacious room with a small marble fountain in the centre. Cesc takes a seat on one of the embroidered violet couches, gesturing for them to do the same.

"So, what do you want?"

Geri glances at Leo, as if expecting him to answer the question.

Leo shakes his head at Geri. " _He's your friend._ " He mouths.

Geri sighs. "Uh. Well. We were wondering if we could, like- Uh- borrow your house for a few hours?"

Cesc blinks. "What? No, I meant what do you want to drink or eat?"

"Ohhh, okay. Fanta, thanks."

Cesc raises an eyebrow haughtily. "I only have organic Fanta."

Geri looks puzzled, but nods anyway.

"And you, Leonard?"

"Oh- it's Lione-"

Cesc dismisses Leo with a wave of his hand. "I don't really care what it is, to be honest."

"Oh. Just some water. Thank you."

Cesc nods and claps his hands loudly. Almost immediately, the man who'd greeted them at the door rushes over, leaning down.

"Fanta and H2O."

"Right away, sir."

Geri looks at the man pityingly as he hurries away.

"Your uncle's getting old, Cesc. Don't you think it's time you released him?"

Cesc scoffs.

"So, why'd you come here again?" He queries, sipping from his wine glass delicately.

"Oh- to borrow your house for a bit."

Cesc shrugs. "Sure."

Leo blinks, perplexed. "Really?"

He wrinkles his nose. "As long as you take a shower before you step in."

Geri grins widely. "Thanks, man. We'll just be needing it for a dinner, like, from 6:30 onwards to 8:00, yeah?"

"Whatever. As long as you don't disturb me, I'll be on the top level. If I hear so much as a knock on my door-"

"We won't disturb you. I promise."

Leo leans forward curiously. "Aren't you going to ask us why?"

Cesc shrugs again. "Why?"

"Just pretending it's one of our friends' house."

Cesc sniffs. "Whatever, man."

The man returns with a silver tray, placing it softly on the coffee table and Leo takes the decorative transparent glass. As he picks it up, he notices little green leaf things floating around, along with a slight yellowish tint to the water.

He leans over to Geri, whispering in his ear. "What is this?"

Cesc's voice interrupts. "It's mountainous herbal water from the sacred springs."

"Ah. I see."

"Mixed with mountain goat urine."

Leo nearly drops the glass. "What?!"

"It's great for the circulation. It'll get rid of that sickly pale complexion you have going on, too."

Leo gently sets the cup back down when Cesc looks away. He wishes he'd just asked for a Fanta, like Geri. Then again, looking at Geri's glass, it looks rather viscous for Fanta- perhaps it's better not to drink anything.

 

 

 

 

After what seems like an eternity of Cesc pursuing a one sided conversation about modern poetry and reciting several of his (frankly terrible) sonnets, Geri finally intervenes and firmly states they must leave.

They practically sprint outside the gate, laughing.

"God," Leo gasps between laughter, "what a pretentious motherfucker."

Geri snickers. "Yeah, I know, man. Rich one, too." He laughs again. "Hey- Ney's gonna be in a fucking shirt and tie and shit when we get back, man."

Leo shakes his head, grinning. "This date thing's gonna be so weird."

He's silent for a while. "Hey- do you think he actually likes her- Bruna, I mean?"

Geri snorts. "He doesn't act like it. Then again, you never fucking know with Neymar."

Leo kicks a pebble on the road. "Yeah, I guess."  
He doesn't speak much for the remainder of the walk back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please comment/kudos if you can, they're always great :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!

Leo gently opens the door of Jordi's room, Geri behind him. The first thing he notices is Marc and Jordi perched on the dingy sofa- watching Spain's next top model. What the fuck?

He then sees, with horror, that Neymar is also there, sitting on the floor, enraptured by the show on screen. He's still dressed in the clothes he was wearing when they left. 

"Ugh- are you fucking serious?!"

Marc and Jordi glance up, while Neymar keeps his eyes fixated on the screen.

"Huh? What?"

Leo holds out his arms in annoyance. "He was supposed to be ready by the time we got back, you dickheads!"

Marc blinks slowly. "Really? Oh, yes, that's right- but Jordi told us it was fine and that we should watch this show instead." He shrugs slightly and turns back.

Jordi looks guilty. "Sorry." He mutters, looking down.

They hear footsteps from behind them, and Masche shoves past Geri in the doorway, holding a couple of plastic supermarket bags and looking uncharacteristically optimistic.

"You guys ready to go then-"

He pauses, staring at the three in front of the TV. 

A few seconds tick by. He still doesn't talk, and instead drops the bags on the floor, closing his eyes and massaging his temple. Leo listens closely- it seems as if he's muttering some incantation under his breath. Another few second go by. He's kind of fucking scared, actually. He doesn't know what to do with people that are like, quiet when they're angry. 

Masche exhales gently, keeping his eyes closed. He speaks in a dangerously soft voice.

"What did I tell you to do before we got back? Hmm? Marc? Jordi?"

Marc looks rather frightened, inching away from Masche. 

"You told us to have Neymar ready by the time you got back." Jordi mutters quietly, like a primary school boy being told off by a teacher.

"And is Neymar ready?" Masche asks sweetly.

"No."

"And why is that?"

"Because we got sidetracked. Sorry."

Masche flicks a finger towards where the suit is lying on a table. "Tell him to get ready. Now."

"But-"

"Now!"

Marc and Jordi drag a bewildered Neymar away, taking him to the corner and talking to him.

Leo watches with a slight smile on his face as Neymar gathers up the clothes and makes his way to the bathroom. It's times like this that Leo truly appreciates how good Masche would be as a fucking hitman or some shit.

He's interrupted by Masche's voice.

"Okay, look, morons, come here. Quick."

Geri speaks hesitantly. "We can, like- leave, right? After Neymar's ready, we can go home? 'Cause my weekend is kinda like, ticking away, man." he nonchalantly flicks a hand through his ridiculously gelled up hair.

Leo snorts. "No way you're leaving the rest of us to fix up this date."  
As if Geri actually has shit do anyway. He's probably planning to stalk that girl from the bus on Facebook and bother her until she interacts with him normally.

Masche ignores both of them and takes a seat on the sofa, leaning forward with that frighteningly intense look in his dark eyes.

"Alright, look. This isn't going to work if you all don't listen. So please. For once in your lives. Pay attention."

Leo is quite offended, to be honest. He doesn't know why he's getting grouped as an imbecile along with the rest of them. Or maybe, he realises with horror, he's hung out with them for so long that he's slowly morphed into an idiot, as well. Kind of makes sense, actually. He recalls reading somewhere that if you like, hang out with a psychopath for a minimum of 50 or something hours, you'll start taking on some of their tendencies.

Marc raises his hand, looking excited. "Can we take notes?"

"What? No. Just listen."

Marc lowers his hand, and Leo genuinely wonders if Marc is actually a character come to life from some dipshit kids cartoon. (What with the way he looks and acts and all.)

"When Neymar gets out of the bathroom, we're going to leave, because we only have half an hour left, thanks to Marc and Jordi." He pauses to glare at them, before continuing.

"Geri, Marc- and, yes, I suppose Jordi as well, are going to go to that guy's house. You know. The one that we're borrowing for this, and pretending it's Neymar's? Yeah."

"Wait, why?"

"Because you guys are going to have the table set, and dinner ready."

Geri looks anxious. "I don't know how to cook."

Leo darkly thinks back to the time when Geri attempted to make a birthday cake for their Biology teacher in the hopes of receiving at least a C on his final report card. He vaguely remembers that it was supposed to be in the shape of ovaries and cringes- trust Geri to choose the most fucking unsuitable-for-school thing out of all the body parts.  
Masche smiles. "That's why I got this."

He pulls out a small book from a bag. Leo squints at the decorative lettering. It looks like one of those books that those upper class red wine drinking mothers read.

"The cookbook of Fancy Foods for the Un-Fancy Idiot." Geri reads.

"Yes. All you need to do is find some recipe and make it. It's super easy. Seriously, even you lot can't screw up."

Marc intervenes. "You know, when I was younger, I was quite the little chef. My apple pie was-"

"Yeah, okay, whatever, Marc." Jordi dismisses him. Leo feels a twinge of sympathy for Bartra, before brushing his tender emotions to the side.

Masche continues. "Yeah, so, you have like, 40 minutes to do all that. In the meantime, Leo and I'll go with Neymar to Bruna's house, meet her parents, and then we'll go to 'Neymar's' house. Right?"

Leo feels as is he's carrying out a mastermind plan. He ponders what it would have been like is he'd carried out a life of crime- stealing famous art pieces from galleries, with Masche as his sidekick who deals with the fending off security business. He nods appreciatively. Perhaps if university didn't work out- he has a plan.  
The bathroom door opens suddenly, slamming back against the wall. Leo winces as bits of paint flake down gently. Neymar saunters out, hands in pockets, trying to look suave and slick, probably.

Leo's initial reaction is muffled laughter, because, really, Neymar's expression on his face is ridiculous, as if he's a vogue cover model or something. His second reaction is buried deep beneath, but he definitely feels _something_ , like- no- it's probably just surprise and a grudging thought that Neymar looks nice. Objectively, of course. He hurries to fix up his facial expression- when did he stop laughing and begin to stare intently? He doesn't know what the fuck is up with him today, plus there's a faint twitch of illogical irritation in the depths of his mind and its been eroding him for most of today, every time he thinks of Bruna and Neymar sitting at a dinner table together, laughing and enjoying while Leo and the rest of them hang awkwardly around the fringes. 

"Dude, I think this is the first time I've seen you look presentable, man." He hears Jordi mutter. Which is kind of true, he guesses.

"Man, look at you!" Geri crows, eyes crinkling up into a wicked grin. "Ha! This is priceless, really." 

Neymar does the usual of pretending to scratch his head with his middle finger up at Geri.

 

Masche frowns. "Just one thing. Don't- don't walk like that, please?" He looks like he's going to have an aneurysm, honestly.

Neymar looks startled. "Like what?" He says , 

"Like- don't _swagger._ You're not a fucking drug dealing gangster, honestly. Don't slouch." Masche says dryly.

Neymar looks harassed, throwing his hands in the air. "That's my style, man. But- I guess I could try."

  


  


~

  


  


As they make their way out of the building, Neymar complains that he doesn't want to look like a weirdo walking around in formal clothes, so they decide to take a back alley shortcut instead, while Marc, Jordi and Geri peel off to head to Cesc's house.  
"Don't fuck it up." Masche says seriously to them.  
Geri nods earnestly. "Of course not, man, have some faith." He says, furrowing his eyebrows intensely, making him look like a crackpot hermit.  
Masche looks even more worried after he says that, but relents, allowing them to walk down the opposite road.

 

~

 

Geri steps into the kitchen tentatively, hoping that Cesc has gone upstairs. Seriously, if he has to talk to another hipster ever again, he's gonna fucking explode.

He sighs in relief. "Alright. We have an hour. What are we gonna make?"

Jordi and Marc are preoccupied, ogling the house. He can't blame them, honestly. The kitchen, which he's never been to before, has some... Interesting photos framed up on the wall. Like the one with a naked from the waist up woman against a white background, with two cactus pots obscuring her tits. He's say it's hot... But she looks, like- what, over 50? He begins to feel nauseous and turns away hastily.

He snaps his fingers at the two of them. "Get that fucking cook book out, man, seriously!"

Marc blinks and retrieves the book from his bag, joining them at the kitchen counter. There's like, a fancy lamp thing on the counter, and he flicks it on, dully illuminating the area with a weird pinky purple glow and throwing patterns on the wall. Trippy, Geri thinks.

Jordi peers at the cover and title of the book solemnly. "Sometimes I think Masche thinks we're dumb." He says, voice injected with sorrow.

Geri stares at him amusedly. "Speak for yourself, man."

He flips through the book, ignoring Marc's idle chatter about a cake he baked for his brother's birthday.

"Don't those fancy restaurants have like, starter meals and desserts and stuff?"

Geri pauses. "You're right." He mutters, turning the pages frenziedly.

"What about those mini sandwich things?" Marc suggests.

Geri considers it, nodding his head slowly and adopting a contemplative look like he's seen those detectives on CSI or whatever the fuck, do.

"You know, like with the toothpicks through the middle?"

He relents. "Yeah... I guess for the starter- quick, Jordi, write that down, you're being useless right now."

He feels rather important, actually. It's one of the rare occasions in which he's been put in charge- he's going to prove himself.

Jordi scrambles around in his pockets for a pen and jots it down on his arm, muttering about how he was being rushed too much.

"So how are we gonna make the san-"

Geri tchs. "Not now, Jordi, not now. We've moved onto the main."

Marc has a glint in his eye. "Guys- guys- are you ready for this? Listen. Roast buffalo, stuffed with asparagus."

"What the fuck is that?"

Geri frowns. "Yeah, no. Next."

"Pizza."

He rolls his eyes, voice laced with sarcasm. "Oh, yeah, totally. Don't be fucking stupid, Jordi. Chicks aren't impressed by that stuff."  
He should know, after all. He has, like, plenty of experience with girls. 

"Gourmet pizza."

Geri glances up, impressed. "That's the most useful thing you've said all week, J-bro. Well done."

Jordi looks pleased, ducking his head slightly. "Thank y-"

"Okay, now write it down."

Geri searches for the dessert section of the cookbook, shifting uncomfortably on the rickety stool. It's beginning to hurt in places he didn't even know it could, and the light of the lamp is making him feel drowsy.

"Oh! Triple layer chocolate cake with strawberries on top! Plus fruit salad!"

Geri snorts. The suggestions keep piling on, and he thinks of going all Gordon Ramsey on the both of them. Fuck, he wishes he was in a cooking show. That used to be a dream of his. He sighs, readjusting himself to make his dick feel a little less uncomfortable, and begins to doodle Shakira from the bus + himself on the cookbook.

  


  


~

  


  


Leo takes a deep breath, signalling for Neymar to press the doorbell of the five story mansion. He wonders if this is how nervous people feel before, like, getting married or whatever.

Neymar nods and sharply raps on the fragile decorative glass door. Leo facepalms.

He can hear excited footsteps from inside, and he swallows, trying to calm his nerves.

Neymar turns to Masche. 

"Hey, Masche?"

Masche smiles at him faux encouragingly. 

"Is this your new house?"

"What?!" He makes that face. The 'are you for real' face.

"It's really fucking fancy, man, seriously, I didn't know you were that loaded!" Neymar smiles his usual idiotic smile, complete with pointy teeth and Leo nearly faints right then and there. (Not because of Neymar's smile, seriously, he's not a fucking maiden from a fairy tale.)

"Please tell me you're joking?" Leo tries.

Masche looks equally anxious. "He's not."

"Are you kidding me?! It's just our fucking luck that he loses it again, right now!"

Masche seems conflicted. "Just say something to him- I'll try to make small talk with them for a bit." He runs a had through his dark hair, and Leo can't help but notice that he's starting to bald slightly, from the sides. He's not going to mention that to Masche, obviously. He wants to live for a bit longer, thanks.

Leo turns to Neymar hastily. "Look- Neymar- uh-"

"What?"

Leo hesitates, apprehensive of the footsteps he can hear from behind the door.

_What the fuck is he supposed to say?_

He feels a little like a character from one of those stupid teenage sitcoms, actually. The ones where they get in trouble after doing some random shit, and then proceed to waste the rest of their fucking lives trying to fix it up (complete with jokes and side plots). He lingers for a moment, on this bizarre yet frighteningly accurate thought (maybe they're caught in a sitcom? Like reality TV?), before snapping out of it, realising he needs to use his non- existent improvisational thinking skills to save the day.

"Uh- Ney- see, the thing is- you- we're"

"What?!"

"We're shooting a movie!" He blurts out finally, regretting the decision immediately afterwards.

Neymar's green eyes widen, reminding Leo of a seal from a kids cartoon.

"Really?" He says, lip caught between teeth in excitement.

Leo decides to go with it. (It's not like he's going to think up a better explanation, anyway).

"Um. Yes. But, like, a youtube one." He says hastily.

Neymar slumps a bit.

"Oh. So we're not gonna be famous?" He says disappointedly, eyes dulling and Leo feels a little bad at that.

"Oh-well- you know- it's for a film competition. That we're definitely going to win, right?" He amends.

"Right!" Neymar echoes cheerfully. 

Shit. Leo can hear the door being fiddled with, unlocked slowly. 

"So what's this movie about, exactly? Leo?"

"Uh- it's a romance movie- with a sad twist ending- but listen. As soon as that door opens, you're being recorded, right?"  
Wow, he's actually kind of good at this. Improvisational thinking, that is. 

Neymar nods, looking a little puzzled. His thin frame shivers slightly in the frosty evening air.

"You're going to have a date with a girl in this scene. You've gotta, like-"

"But I don't have my script. I haven't learnt my lines."

"No, no, don't worry about that. It's all improv. Just- just be romantic- and- uh- be yourself."  
He snorts mentally. Romantic and Neymar didn't belong in the same sentence, what was he saying.

Neymar frowns. "But why would I be myself? I'm like, an actor now." He says, looking a little proud at the last part.

Leo groans. "Ney- Neymar- just listen to me-"

Neymar looks dubious. "I don't know, man. I feel like I'm gonna mess up, and it's just not good to have, like, a stain on my film debut. What'll the directors think?"

"Ney!"

Leo sighs, aware of the door being opened. He desperately clutches Neymar's thin wrists and shakes them urgently.

"Come on, Ney. Please? For me? Do it for me?" He pleads, using it as a last resort, desperately (he knows it's not going to work).

Neymar seems conflicted, then something in his face changes. He nods resolutely, sliding his wrists out of Leo's loose grip so that their fingers are now partially entwined- which is- a bit weird, but anyway. As if these last couple of days could get any weirder.

"Yeah, of course, man. If you really want me to, then, I'm not gonna let you down-" he says inspirationally, smiling at Leo warmly and tightening his grip on Leo's contrastingly cold hands.

Leo doesn't really have much time to dwell on why Neymar's so compliant, because right then, the door gently opens and Bruna steps out gingerly, long brown hair falling in soft waves around her shoulders and tantalisingly above her low cut black dress. Neymar slips his fingers out of Leo's distractedly and turns away from him. Leo modifies his automatic bitch face that seems to have come on, and mutters a silent prayer for everything to go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As usual, please comment or kudos if you can, it's always great.
> 
> Also, for anyone who didn't know, Bruna is Neymar's ex girlfriend in real life, not an OC or anything.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at: http://blaugranasky.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)  
> So, a kind of a short chapter, but it's all I had done and I probably won't post for the next week because of tests, so yeah.

Geri glances at the notes on Jordi's arm, as he gets up. The handwriting looks like hieroglyphics, if he's being honest. He also regrets his decision of letting Jordi being scribe, he forgot that Jordi's probably the worst speller in their school.

_Starter- Mini sandwitch things_

_Main- Gormet Pizza_

_Desert- red velvet cake with froots on top_

_Drinks- frooty cocktail thingies_

 

Jordi clears his throat. "So, uh... Can I have my arm back now? Thanks."

Geri pauses for a moment, wondering how they're going to go about this. Should he give an inspirational speech, maybe? No, not enough time. He decides to take a leaf out of Neymar's advice book and decides to 'just yolo it'. 

"Alright, so!" He claps his hands loudly, just to feel a bit more important. "We have like, 40 mins? I think? So- Jordi? You do the sandwiches. Marc, you're on Dessert."

Jordi furrows his brows. "So, are you like, doing the pizza _and_ the drinks?"

"Um. Yeah, I don't know, man. Maybe we should do the pizza last. Yeah, we'll do that."

  


  


  


  


A couple of minutes later, Geri's retrieved all the bottles of alcohol and fruit juice that Cesc has, but he's in a bit of a dilemma, seeing as he doesn't really know how to like, mix them up. He considers looking it up on his phone, but then again- data usage. Anyway, he's pretty sure that you just pour in some random shit all together and put a straw or whatever inside.

He contemplates the large bottle of wine labelled 'Chateau Margeaux'. It looks kind of fancy, actually, and he hopes its not expensive or whatever. Although, if he's right in his thinking, and it's Russian, then it probably would be.

"Fucking fancy ass Russian names." He mutters under his breath as he pours it a quarter of the way into a wine glass (is it a wine glass?). 

Alright, so- fruit juice, right? Now this was something he specialised in. His fingers hover over the mango-nectarine before deciding on the apple instead. After he pours it, the glass still has a bit of space left, so he adds in some whisky, just to make it complete.

He does the same in another glass and tops it off with ice cubes and those bendy neon yellow straws. Okay- so it doesn't look exactly like the ones he's seen before- one of the drinks has turned a rather vile green shade- but whatever.

  


  


~

  


  


Bruna's house is- wow. Even though he saw Cesc's equally large house only a few hours before, this actually looks- elegant, classy. Whereas Cesc's house looked like an abstract art project gone wrong. 

Bruna embraces Neymar in a tight hug, and Neymar hesitates for a second before wrapping his arms around her waist. She seems to be whispering something into his ear, giggling slightly, and Leo rolls his eyes.

He's seriously considering just _leaving_ , because it's so fucking awkward, him and Masche standing outside the door while Neymar and Bruna-

Oh Jesus Christ, they're making out now, really going at it, Neymar's slender fingers hovering just above her ass, and her hands tangling in Neymar's mohawk (oh, so _she's_ allowed to touch his precious hair, but none of _them_ are?)

Shit, he's never much liked the whole 'couples half fucking in public' thing, and PDA in general, but he's a chill dude, he's never been one to interrupt them or shit like that. Seeing your mate practically mauling a girl's face in front of you, however, is completely different, and once he's not able to resist any longer, he clears his throat loudly.

Neymar seems startled, only just realising that there's actually others around, but his eyes are also twinkling like he just won tickets to the champions league final. Bruna seems slightly irritated by the presence of him and Masche. 

"So... Uh." Masche begins, looking, for the first time in his life, flustered.

Leo resists the urge to bolt right then and there.

"Are you... Are you guys coming in, then?" Bruna says slowly and unsurely, like she wants the exact opposite of that.

"Ah.. Yeah. If that's okay?" Masche drags out.

"Oh. I mean, yeah, sure that'd be fine. We're only staying here until Ney meets my parents though, and then we're off to have dinner." She states firmly.

Leo ignores Neymar's confused expression, and decides to tackle the bull by the horns.

"Oh, yes. About that- would it be okay if we- like, ah- came along too?" He says apprehensively.

Bruna seems perplexed at first, perfectly done eyebrows furrowing, then appears slightly annoyed. 

"Well, actually, it's meant to be a date- you know, like for two people? For our anniversary, so-"

"I know." Leo blurts out impulsively. "But the thing is, Neymar gets nervous, you know, he can't stand not being around his friends, so he actually requested that we come too."

He exchanges fervent glances with Neymar, trying to get him to go along with it. Bruna whips around to face Neymar irritatedly.

"Oh- yeah, yeah, he's right. I, um, I do get a little nervous, actually. Sorry."

She throws her hands in the air exasperatedly, and Leo marvels at the hairless ness of her under arm. 

"Oh, so they'll just be tagging around wherever we go today? Are you for real, babe? Seriously?"

"I know it's annoying, but I promise they won't get in the way, princesa. Please?" He says, tilting his head to the side a little and placing a hand gently on Bruna's waist.

Jesus. He's never seen Neymar be so- tender, and mild. He only just remembers that Neymar thinks he's acting.

They talk some more in hushed voices and adoring smiles. Probably exchanging sweet nothings, Leo thinks half bitterly, half amusedly. He doesn't know when he became such a cynical old lady, but he tries to shrug it off.

After a while of him and Masche freezing their balls out in the cold, they break apart and Bruna grudgingly gestures for them to come inside, linking Neymar's hands with hers before stepping back inside.

  


  


~

  


  


"So, like- Jordi, what the fuck is that." Geri says, leaning over the smaller boy intimidatingly. He glares at the pile of vegetables squished between bits of soggy bread.

Jordi barely glances up. "The sandwiches, duh. Got fucking short term memory loss, much?"

Geri marvels at when everyone became so rude to him and forgot to acknowledge that he's bigger than them. He snorts in reply and moves on to check up on how Marc's doing.

He would protest against the rancid looking things, but honestly, at this point, he could hardly give two fucks, he just wants to go home and have his regular Sunday wanking session before his parents get home from work.

Marc actually seems to be doing pretty well with the cake, he's begun to ice it almost lovingly. Geri rewards him with a pat on the head.

He figures he should probably get started on the pizza before Jordi begins to interfere with that, as well, so he scours the kitchen for pizza looking things. Thankfully, he finds pre made pizza base in the fridge, even though it looks kind of... Oddly coloured. 

He sets out everything on the swirly patterned counter and stares at it determinedly, waiting for inspiration on what to use.

  


  


~

  


  


Leo wonders, if, a long time from now, if he becomes a singer, like he secretly used to want to, he'll write a song about the pains of third wheeling and forever outsider-ing. He sighs and tries not to focus too much on Neymar's hand resting on Bruna's back.

  


  


~

  


  


Geri's inspecting a tomato for signs of a deadly fungus he saw on one of those website side-ads. It had been something like: 'TOXIC FUNGUS DETECTED IN ALL TOMATOES WORLDWIDE!!!! REPORTED TO BE DEADLIER THAN EBOLA!!!! MEET THE 40 YEAR OLD SINGLE PARENT WHO DISCOVERED IT. SCIENTISTS HATE HER. CLICK LINK TO READ.'  
It'd looked pretty rank, and from the caps lock and exclamation marks on the text on the ad, also pretty dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)  
> Please comment and kudos if you can, it's alwys great.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)

  
When they reach the living room, after what seems like ages of navigating through winding hallways, Leo notices two people seated elegantly on plump beige sofas by a large fireplace. Probably Bruna's parents. Unless there were like, two random fucking intruders just chilling there. The whole place is like an old Victorian mansion, Leo thinks, glancing up at the glimmering chandelier above him.

Bruna clasps Neymar's hand enthusiastically and beams at her parents, whose smiles are rapidly fading after catching sight of Neymar and him and Masche.

"So- I'd like you to meet Ney- my boyfriend, the one you've been asking about for so long." She says, glancing hopefully up at Neymar and then at her parents.

Her mother nods slowly, plastering a tight smile on her face, jewellery glinting as she leans forward on the seat. The father rather uncomfortably adjusts his tie and introduces himself, followed by the woman.

Neymar is staring rather unintelligently at the house, then at her parents, without realising that he's meant to introduce himself properly too. Leo feels that dreadful second hand embarrassment seep into his already weary bones. Bruna nudges Neymar slightly.

"Huh? Oh! I'm Neymar." He pauses, looking unsure, then continues hesitantly. "Neymar Da Silva Santos Junior." He rattles off.

"Well. It's- lovely to meet you, Neymar." The woman says slowly and deliberately, gesturing to an empty sofa. "Take a seat."

Leo feels uncomfortable. Are Masche and him supposed to just stand there or-

"And are these your- ah- siblings, Neymar?" Bruna's mother asks, glancing distastefully in their direction.

Leo nearly chokes on his spit. God, no. He considers for a moment, what it would be like to live with Neymar, hear his constant nonsense rubbish shit talk all day, listening to his obnoxious Brazilian pop all day, having him take hours up in the bathroom fixing his hair, and cringes. He'd probably go mad. There's also a grudgingly affectionate something there as well, though, as he thinks of all of his friend's quirks that have become second nature to Leo over the course of their friendship.

Masche looks a little horrified and rushes to correct the error.

"Oh, no. We're not siblings."

She raises an eyebrow. "Cousins, then?"

Why does she think he's related to Neymar? They're practically opposite ends of the spectrum. He also feels nauseous when he links this statement to some of the thoughts he's had about their group- no, not like that. He hasn't thought of a gangbang or anything- he's a teenage boy, deprived of attractive girls, it's only natural that his mind, in the oddly horny hours of midnight and after, would stray to all possible sexual relationships, including, regrettably, that of him and his friends. Of course, when remembered in the morning, when he's more sane, these thoughts make him want to violently retch. Especially that one thought about Marc being a stripper in Amsterdam-

"We're Ney's friends."

Her eyebrows rise higher. "And you're here because?..."

Leo fiddles with the edge of his (slightly muddy) shirt. "Uh. He- gets nervous?" He tries.

She doesn't look very pleased, but relents, and they take a seat, Bruna sitting so close to Neymar that she might as well sit on his lap, Leo thinks dryly. Neymar looks overwhelmed by having a random hot girl being all over him, but also quite jubilant at it.

Bruna's father clasps his hands together apprehensively, speaking for the first time.

"So, Neymar. What are you studying at school?"

Well, Jesus. That was.. Direct.

Neymar clears his throat slightly, gazing at Bruna's parents with clear green eyes.

"Uh, well. I'm hoping to study engineering at uni?..." He trails off, glancing at them unsurely.

Leo knows that's not a lie, Neymar is actually good at physics, excels in it, even though he's not interested in it much. Unfortunately, he's not so great at most other subjects, mostly because he doesn't try. Leo recalls the many report cards Ney's shown to him, with much the same comments about unused potential and not giving 100%.

Neymar continues more brightly after the man nods, impressed.

"But only, 'cos, like, my parents are making me. I don't really like it much, if it was up to me, I'd just be a- a graffiti artist or some thing!" He says, laughing loudly, not noticing that Bruna's parents are not amused. Masche signals to him to stop, and he abruptly stops his laughter.

"So how long have you been dating Bruna?" The mother says rather icily, adjusting her ornate necklace.

Neymar looks taken aback at the question, glancing urgently over at Leo, and Leo remembers that Neymar thinks he's acting in a movie and needs the right lines.

Fuck, how's he supposed to know how long they've been banging?

Actually, wait. He remembers that Neymar had actually met her at a club the day after his birthday. He vaguely recalls Ney dragging him along with the rest of them, saying that he wants to have a post-birthday event or some shit like that. It had actually been sort of fun, he and Jordi had been pointing out particularly dodgy looking people when Neymar had stumbled up to them, slightly tipsy, arm wrapped around a girls waist, and introduced them to Bruna. Leo hadn't paid much attention- Neymar did this practically every time they went out, but anyway. Bruna had approached Neymar a few days later at school about taking it further. That was in February. So, a few months ago. Two.

He holds up two fingers to Neymar, discreetly.

"Oh- uh, about two days-" he notices Leo's frantic head shake. "Hours- Weeks. Months. Uh, two months."

"Ah. I see." She glances at him slightly suspiciously.

Leo realises how- unsuitable- Neymar must look to them, with his Mohawk dyed slightly blonde at the tips and his Tudo Passa tattoo he'd gotten done illegally peeking out from under his shirt collar, skinny, lanky figure and all. Not someone they'd want their precious daughter dating. Leo wonders what they'd say if they found out half the things Bruna did.

Her mother scrutinises Neymar a bit further, snapping out of it to gesture to the coffee cups set on the table. Obviously, there's not one for him or Masche, but neither of them, including Ney, are coffee fans, Neymar only really drinks Pepsi or coke.

 

 

  
After that, there's like, half an hour more of intense interrogation concerning Neymar's studies, family, hobbies, interests, extended family, a few subtle questions aimed to discern his social class, the usual. Surprisingly, Neymar answers most of them without fumbling, without saying anything dumb. Leo lets out a shaky breath of relief once they relent their questioning and allow them to leave the house.

 

 

 

  
Neymar and Bruna trail behind them, Bruna chattering excitedly and Neymar appraising her a few times to make sure this is all real. Masche and him walk forward tensely, not saying much to each other. Leo sighs and checks the time in the fading evening light. At least half the night's gone. On the other hand, this may just break the record for most awkward date on the planet.

 

 

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

Geri's taking everything at a leisurely pace, rushing never gets anything done properly, right?

He happens to catch a glance of the large clock on the wall. He can feel the blood draining out his face. He lets out an alarmed squeal, startling the others, and hurriedly picks up the pizza he'd been finishing topping off.

"Shit shit shit, Jordi!" He screeches, "Fucking turn on the oven, man!"

Jordi rolls his eyes. He fiddles with the microwave for a moment, until Marc clears his throat and gestures to the actual oven. Jordi seems overwhelmed by it.

"Uh- I don't know how- what the fuck is this?" Jordi says incredulously.

To be fair, the thing does look kind of intimidating, it's pretty massive and there's a million knobs and dials on it. Geri considers calling down Cesc, before just winging it, and flipping on everything he can see. It makes an alarming series of clicks and beeps, but lights up, so yeah?

 

 

 

 

  
The pizza's not even half baked, the sandwiches are soggy, the dessert's collapsed in on itself, and he can hear the doorbell ring an old eighties song throughout the house.

 

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

They stand outside for a while after ringing the doorbell, and Leo prays that Geri and Jordi and Marc have done what they were supposed to. Bruna seems a little confused.

"Um, so are your parents at home now or something, Ney? Are they, uh, going to join us for dinner?" She asks apprehensively.

"Uhh-"

Geri flings open the door, clothes slightly spattered with- vegetable bits and dough?, and a wide fake smile on his face. Bruna's expression is priceless, she looks half terrified of him. She leans over to Neymar.

"Is that your chef or something? What's his name?"

Neymar looks unsure of what to say, so Leo answers for him, fabricating random shit on the spot.

"Yeah, yeah, that's his cook. His name's Gerard."

Geri gestures to the house warmly. "Welcome! Come in."

She smiles politely back at him and steps in after Neymar. Leo's the last one to step in, and Geri grabs his shirt urgently as he tries to walk in.

"Leo! We haven't finished making the food! Or set the table! Or-"

"What do you want me to do about that?!"

Geri fumbles, picking at the expensive green paint. "Oh, I don't fucking know. Just like, take them around the house or some shit, I'll do something by then."

Well that's great. Leo doesn't even know this house, hasn't even been to it until today, he doesn't know how the fuck this is going to work. He runs forward and catches Neymar's elbow, stopping both of them.

"What?"

"Let me me and Ney give you a tour around the house, Bruna. Follow me."

Bruna looks hesitant, but follows after him all the same. Leo catches his reflection in a large gilded mirror and pauses, horrified at how messy his hair has become. He considers, for a moment, dread locking it like Neymar once suggested, so that he doesn't have to take care of it. Neymar grins from behind him like he knows what Leo is thinking.

 

 

 

~

 

 

  
Geri rushes back to the kitchen, checking on the pizza briefly. Fuck. It still looks like it'd give you salmonella. Wait, does salmonella even come from that kind of thing? He ponders it for a moment, before realising he's on a time limit.

Marc still looks heartbroken over the collapsed cake, now just a pile of gooey frosting and crumbly bits on a plate. He lets out a pitiful half sob.

"Look, man- just like, put some fruits on top of it, yeah?" He says encouragingly to Marc.

"But that's not-"

"Just fucking do it, man." He retorts, grabbing a pineapple and some watermelon slices from the fridge.

"Cut these up and toss them on top of the cake."

Marc still seems incredulous, so Geri places the whole pineapple (he doesn't have time, okay?) in the middle of the cake bits, and arranges the watermelon slices roughly around the edges.

"There. Done. Come help me set the table."

Jordi's leaning casually against the counter, yawning and doing nothing at all. Geri smacks him on the arm with a spoon, and tells him to do something useful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
The tour is surprisingly uneventful, the only fuck ups being when Leo says that the walk in closet is in fact, a bathroom. Bruna seems fairly impressed by the size of the house. Leo pauses when they arrive at the third floor.

Shit, isn't this where Francesc told them not to come?

It's too late, Bruna is already walking ahead, peering in the rooms. Leo runs ahead of her, wondering briefly where Masche's gone. Bruna stops in front of a large closed ornate door.

"Is this your room?" She asks Neymar, looking out from under her eyelashes at him. Leo doesn't get it at first, why is she acting so weird, but then it hits him, what she thinks her and Ney are gonna do after dinner. Oh, Jesus, now he feels like retching. He's also pretty sure that Francesc wouldn't want anyone fucking in his house, so she's in a for a bit of a shock.

Neymar stalls, fiddling with his fingers. Shit, Francesc's in that room. They can't go in.

Bruna seems to take his silence as a yes, and twists the doorknob slightly-

"Fuck OFF." resonates the voice from within the room.

Bruna retrieves her hand like it's been burned. Leo cringes.

"Ugh. Can't a guy watch some porn in peace? Piss off."

Bruna's startled, mouth open slightly.

Neymar, brain (surprisingly) working quick, rushes in to fill the silence. "That's just my brother." He says in hushed tones. "He's a bit- uh- you know" he makes a face, "a bit of a weird loser."

Bruna nods slowly and backs away from the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time they finish the tour, Leo's pleasantly surprised to find the dining room set up for dinner. The lights have been dimmed, and there's a candle lit table thing going on, which Marc probably thought up, Leo thinks.

Bruna elegantly takes a seat on one of the wooden chairs, and Neymar drags out a chair, creating a screeching noise against the floor and flopping down ungracefully on it. Leo goes to take a seat as well, before Masche pulls him back.

"What, can't we sit down?" Leo asks indignantly, and Masche rolls his eyes, keeping a firm grip on Leo's arm.

There's a silence, and Neymar taps his fork against the wood absentmindedly, probably imagining that he's the drummer for a heavy metal band. Actually, he has been, once, Leo thinks, when they'd decided to form a rock band and Neymar had insisted on being the drummer. Yeah, that hadn't worked out too well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
The 'starter' looks like the sandwiches Leo's mother used to pack him for primary school, only damper and smaller. Bruna seems hesitant to touch them, and Neymar skips out on them completely, pretending to take a bite of one, then slipping it in his pocket when he thinks no one's watching.

She bites cautiously into one, chewing slowly.

"How is it?" Jordi asks eagerly, and whoa, Leo didn't even know when he got here, but he's gazing fondly at the sandwich things, so he probably made them.

"Uh," she says restrictedly, covering her mouth, "it's- it's nice."

"Have another one?" Jordi picks up one of the deformed things and offers it to her.

"Oh, no, no, that's fine, thanks." She says, turning away slightly.

 

 

 

 

  
Neymar and Bruna are quiet for most of the dinner, exchanging the occasional small talk on the weather, and Leo wonders if it's just because the rest of them are there, or if they're like that all the time. But they can't be, surely, unless they have like, a 'bang and don't talk' relationship, which, come to think of it, describes Neymar's mindless relationships with most girls.

Most of the food remains uneaten.

 

 

 

 

 

Despite the lack of interaction, it's going pretty smoothly, but of course, when he thinks that, he jinxes it.

Neymar becomes unnaturally still, glancing around, then makes to stand.

"Leo-" he begins, catching sight of Leo first.

"What?"

"What is this- place? Who-"

Bruna is glancing at the two of them suspiciously, and Leo exchanges a glance with Masche. Unfortunately, Masche seems to be half asleep leaning against the wall. So it's up to him to debrief Neymar. Again.

"Uh," Leo begins, dragging Neymar up from the chair. "Do you mind if Neymar goes to bathroom real quick?"

"Okay.."

"Cool, thanks." Leo says hastily, tugging Neymar along.

"Why are you..."

"What?"

Bruna glances between the two of them, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Why are you going with him?"

"He, uh. Is very- uh, scared of the dark, he watched The Exorcist yesterday?"

That's a bullshit excuse, The Exorcist is overrated as fuck, in Leo's opinion, and he's pretty sure the scariest thing Neymar's ever watched is the Harry Potter movie with the soul sucking motherfuckers in it. They had been thirteen, and Neymar had been whimpering and gripping his arm so tight it had bruised later. Actually, Leo also recalls showing those bruises to his older brother a few days later and claiming they were from a girl he banged who had sucked hickies all over his body. His brother had cracked up so hard and wished him the best of luck in his 'sexual adventures'.

Anyway, Bruna's eyes follow them suspiciously as they leave the table, but she doesn't say anything.

Leo just needs to find somewhere away, out of earshot to feed some bullshit to Neymar to keep the night running smoothly. He ignores Neymar's questions and pulls him into the nearest separate room, which, ironically, actually _is_ the bathroom.

The bathroom is pretty fucking big, purple and blue tiles, with various violet coloured little lamps around it, emitting a drowsy glow. The large bathtub has flower patterns on the side, with a rack of classic novels next to it. There's fucking lavender scented candles as well, and Leo thinks that he could probably happily live out the rest of his life in this room.

Neymar clears his throat, wriggling his arm gently out of Leo's grip.

"So, uh-" his voice sounds a bit weird, like unsure. "Why- why did you bring me here?"

They only have like, a minute, not enough for the youtube story again, so-

"Since when are we, uh-" Neymar fiddles with his fingers, red staining his cheeks and not directly meeting Leo's eyes.

"What?" Leo asks, he's so confused. Since when are they what?

"Like..."

"Like?..." Leo repeats, gesturing for Neymar to elaborate with his limited vocabulary.

"You know." Neymar says awkwardly, and Leo's really lost now, why is Neymar acting so hesitant and odd.

Leo frowns, and Neymar makes an obscene gesture, and it hits him like a truck, what he's implying, _oh_. Oh.

Neymar continues, voice dropping to a barely audible level and face so red he might as well change his name to 'Leo suntanning at the beach.'

"Since when are we fucki-"

Oh.  
Of course that would be the first thing Neymar would think if they suddenly just went into a bathroom together, but still. The remark leaves Leo gaping for a bit, like a fish out of water, wondering why the fuck Neymar had to make things so awkward. He fervently attempts to stop scenarios and images of _that kind of thing_ happening between them.

"No, no, no." He chokes out. "Neymar,-"

"Sorry, I just- I don't know, man, it feels like there's a fucking void in my head, I don't remember when this happened-"

"That's because it didn't happen!" Leo protests loudly, wincing at how loudly his words echo around the bathroom.

"Oh- okay-"

"No, no. Just, shut up. Please." Leo says, running a hand through his hair.

Neymar takes a seat on the edge of the tub, loosening his tie in disdain.

"What's going on? Whose house even is this?"

Leo marvels at Neymar's amount of non caring in this situation.

"Look, Ney. You- I- uh, we're at a dinner right now, right? I can't- I can't explain everything to you now, but just-"

Neymar's not even paying attention, examining a bottle of expensive looking shampoo instead.

"Are you- are you even listening?"

Neymar nods distractedly.

"Anyway, all you need to do is act like the girl that was there- you know, at the table- is your girlfriend. And be well mannered."

"But why-"

"Please. For once in your life, man, just listen to me."

Neymar seems too tired to argue, nodding half heartedly. He absent mindedly tips some of the viscous pearly shampoo liquid onto his hand.

"Okay. Come on, let's go."

"No, man." Neymar protests tiredly. "Let's just stay here for a couple of minutes. It's so fucking cool, this room."

He leans forward to grab Leo's shirt to get him to sit on the ledge too, except Leo is startled, and he trips over his own feet in the process, causing Neymar to tip backwards into the tub, pulling Leo with him.

Leo groans as his limbs collide with the tub floor, funny bone stinging like a bitch. He makes to get up, before realising that Neymar's- landed half on top of him somehow, face millimetres away from Leo's, and- oh god, Neymar's hand is- right on top of his dick, accidentally rested there heavy enough that Leo can feel slender fingers even through the fabric of his jeans.

Neymar seems frozen in shock or whatever, no intention of moving, blinking slow and bangs barely brushing Leo's cheeks. Leo makes to laugh or something to diffuse the sudden tension, but all that comes out is a weird hybrid between a whine and a cough.

Leo doesn't know where he's meant to look either, not further down Neymar's face, surely, not at his lips, but not at his eyes either, and he doesn't know whether to laugh it off and tell Neymar to get the fuck up, or to-

Uh, okay, now Neymar sits up abruptly, except Leo's mind's still foggy from sudden unexpected contact, and he doesn't process to sit up as well. So now Neymar's effectively straddling him, glancing down at him half confusedly, as if to say what are you doing, why aren't you moving, how did it get so weird-

The door's opening (how did he forget to lock it?). Shit.

This prompts Leo to sit up, bumping Neymar's nose with his head accidentally and eliciting a sound of pain from the other boy.

It's like a slow motion part from those blockbusters Neymar loves watching, as Leo stares dumbly at the door, hardly processing the voices from outside.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep after reading that either-" Marc is saying as he pushes open the door, but stops abruptly when he notices the two of them, eyes flicking from Neymar's face to Leo's, back to Neymar's right hand, which still has that fucking shampoo he spilt on it, which, come to think of it, looks a lot like something else-

 

Neymar is sitting on Leo's lap. Leo's hand is resting on Neymar's waist. Neymar's hand has jizz-looking shit on it. They are in a bathroom. Marc Bartra is standing in the doorway. Neymar is sitting on Leo's lap. Leo's hand is resting on Neymar's waist. Neymar's hand has- oh, _fuck_.

Leo's mind is still repeating the same sentences again and again, even when Marc begins to stutter something about being sorry for interrupting them.

"-I didn't mean- I'm sorry- I'll go now-"

"What are you doing, Marc-"

Ah, of course, there's someone else as well. Why don't they all have a fucking congregation in Francesc Fabregas' bathroom, a hysterical part of Leo's mind wonders.

And of course the other person is Geri. Unfortunately, Geri isn't as timid and apologetic as Marc.

"Whoa, man! What-" He drifts off, waving a finger in the direction of both of them. "Damn, all this time, man. I always thought- can't believe you didn't tell me. Shit." He says, shaking his head.

Neymar finally has the sense to scramble up, standing and wiping his hand on his- _rented_ \- black pants. Leo follows suit, hastily defending himself.

"No- it's not like that-"

"It's alright, man. We're not judgmental and shit. Just like, choose better times to do all this next time-"

Leo resists the urge to bang his head on the wall.

"Alright, that's cool if you're not judgmental, but it wouldn't _matter_ anyway, because nothing like that was going on!"

"Don't be afraid to come out-"

"Fuck! No! It's not-" he's fully aware that he sounds like he has anger issues at this point, and that he's resorted to yelling. He looks to Neymar, who still seems a bit stunned.

Leo lowers his volume, taking a deep breath in.

"Alright. Look. No- shut the fuck up, Geri, I'm not gonna listen to your reassuring words you fucking plagiarised off that sexuality booklet from health class last year. Listen- Neymar lost his memory again, so I took him here to explain some shit. We both tripped and fell in this fucking bathtub, and- yeah."

Geri still looks suspicious, squinting at the shampoo liquid still slightly on Neymar's hand.

"Okay, then, what's that-"

Neymar seems to regain control of his voice, stepping gingerly out the bathtub.

"I was fiddling with a shampoo bottle. It kinda got on my hands."

Geri still looks doubtful, and Neymar takes a desperate step in his direction, holding out his hand. "I swear, man, it's just shampoo. Here, smell it-" he says, shoving his dripping fingers in Geri's face as Geri takes a horrified step back, nearly treading on Marc's most likely delicate feet.

"Uh, alright, man! That's cool, and all, you can- uh- keep that to yourself." He says hastily, relaxing as Neymar withdraws his hand in relief.

Marc's furious blush is receding and Leo steps out the tub, leaning heavily against the wall for support after that stressful event.

"Wait-" Neymar begins, narrowing his eyes at Marc and Geri. "Why are you two coming to the bathroom together, anyway?"

Marc gives him a funny look and Geri snorts.

"I've been spending a lot of free time on reddit these days." Marc says brightly. "Nosleep, especially."

Leo is vividly thrown back to the time in year 9 when Neymar, Jordi and him had written and posted a story on nosleep together. He recalls it being about a literal "killer' girlfriend who actually had fangs and jagged teeth and shit, and was fond of tearing her exes into shreds. Neymar had also speculated about adding a part where she sucked someone's dick, except with the whole fangs thing going on. Him and Jordi had down voted the idea, thank god. Leo hadn't participated much, mostly just spellchecking their work at the end.

"He gets freaked out by the shit people post on there." Geri adds on, grinning. "Scared to go anywhere by himself these days."

Marc blushes slightly, shrugging.

"Okay," Leo interrupts irritably. "Now that we've had a nice little discussion, should we get back to the dinner table before Bruna thinks I've kidnapped her boyfriend?" He says sarcastically, pushing his way past the two of them, ears still burning from the humiliation.

"Hm. Yeah, probably, man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: for those who don't know, nosleep is a subreddit (community) thing where you post your own 'true' horror stories.
> 
> So- thanks for reading!  
> Comment and kudos? :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it, and comments and kudos are always appreciated.  
> Thanks for reading:)


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